what the fuck did i think i was gonna do, marry him?

all efforts now in an attempt to get over my departed love....except that he's not dead. just off to college. in a way i think that's worse really, just a twisting of the knife kinda thing that he's still around and yet not with me? (maybe i could kill him?....hmmm). conspiracies aside, i am well aware of how pitiful it is to be writing about one of the four people who reads this blog. but it's just so much easier to be bitter and pissed off and all that online. because that's what i am....i'm bitter that he left and it's over and while he gets to start on his merry-fucking college way, i'm left with old memories and reminders of how i he made me happier than i ever was....(wow, considering how emo this entry is i may have to switch to live journal)....i'm sick of the ambiguity of it all, that's why death seems like the only source of closure i can think of.....(his not mine, sillies)....i hate it all the more because i feel like i miss him more than he misses me, and i despise, most of all, those pictures of long-distance-relationship-bliss (with a wedding-bell soundtrack, perhaps?) that keep springing up in that damn girlie side of my mind....it's okay though, a significant amount of chocolate seems to rid me of such images.....so yay, i can blame him for becoming fat, too.