my bad night on the (real) full moon

i was walking towards st. vincent's just as the ambulance pulled up. four emergency workers pulled a stretcher out of the back on which a person lay, covered mostly with a sheet. the doors of the police car behind it opened and a family poured out. all in tears. they ran the stretcher inside and i looked in the window to see the waiting room for the er. it was all too familiar to be able to breathe right. i walked to jessie's anyway, and sat on her steps. i don't know how long i was there, but martha showed up, and i went in with her. it wasn't fun. it wasn't interesting. it wasn't enough of a distraction. while i was leaving come kids played a stupid prank on me. i'm sure i would have laughed any other time, but tonight it just wasn't okay. i must have said "fuck" 12 times. i went in because i thought there'd be kindness for me. "have a great waffle sundae," i said. it was my tradition before it was anyone's. i ran to the steps on the corner of st. vincent's, sat and cried. too much reminds me. i was sure my toe was broken. i wandered north and thought that the lights of times square looked like a nice place to get lost. so that's what i did, believing no one would call and no one cared.